In another universe, I might would be the ankle-sprained member of a women's Olympic gymnastics team. The spirited stunter with a heart of gold, enthusiasm to spare, who would see her team to victory had she not torn her ACL dancing the Cupid Shuffle in the locker room shower. Out of the way already, toots. So close, but still no gold.
When I was seventeen, all I wanted to be was Winona Ryder's character in Mermaids. Charlotte, the confused, slightly macabre, too-smart-for-her-own-good teenager whose life is drastically changed for the better after she loses her virginity to the handyman in the belfry of the convent next door. I wanted to scream out the window of a stolen car, "I want to live a violently exciting life!"
A violently exciting life is not something one can plan. I'm young and naive and a pretty bad poet, but I've learned at least that much from living the life of a Compulsive Rehearser.
Sometimes, when I'm rehearsing aloud to myself, I answer back in different voices. You think I'm not as crazy when I do that.
You think I'm more crazy when I admit that I've lied extensively about the number of people I've slept with. Or perhaps you'll think lying about sex is the curse of youth. Either way, I'm a liar and you still like me.
If this were Mississippi and over there was the Mississippi River, the humidity would uppercut us, leave us gasping. Instead it's a beautiful day in East Tennessee, cloudy, 65 degrees. A change could make me cry.
I'm not the weepy type, but were I, I'd cry in front of you. Only so you'd pet me. Instead I write and bebop and lie in catatonic states. I'm pretty busy.
*I've been trying to mimic C. D. Wright's poem, but all I can get down is tone, not style. Yesterday a friend told me I should write prose more, and though I've never envisioned myself as a prose writer, I gave it a shot with my "Snippets." Maybe, if I can muster the craftsmanship, I can go back in and make my paragraphs ghazals. Then Galway Kinnell would love me.
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3 comments:
You sure do have the tone down--and you are a prose writer (watch out Sedaris!) and a poet!
Congrats on getting into that book--it's a big deal! I'm so proud of you!
Steph
I can't believe that you don't consider yourself a prose writer. Really. You need to get over that. (Although you are not a bad poet, either...)
I think it's easier for a poet to write prose than for a prose writer to attempt poetry. There's word-music and rhythm in poetry that translates well to prose, but not the other way 'round.
As a rule, I think prose-folk who write poetry try too hard, and you can feel it. It's like reading high school AP Lit papers - all technique and no heart. CRAFTED.
I say play like crazy, because 1) it feeds writererly fearlessness, and 2) it's a self-forgiving space that allows the magic to happen.
You can write any damn thing you want, and write it well. That's because you love the act of making and the words themselves. Your head's in the right place.
Keep fooling around. I dare you.
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